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  • r.m. allen

Out of a spindly sprout,

you grew,

sprawling across your earthen bed,

green leaves, green fruit,

tiny as a marble.

Our first harvest, we picked perhaps a handful,

hunting down the red.

We ate them raw right from the vine

in a burst of sour seeds and warm delight.

We had reaped a miracle.


And now, behold—

your bounty, rich as rubies, round as pearls,

so plentiful that I may toss aside

the split-skinned, fly-sucked few that have not yet let go,

to keep none but the best.


My colander fills, then my counter, then my crockpot

for a simmer slow.

I strain the seeds, drizzle in the cream.

Soup for my dinner, for my freezer,

so, when winter comes,

and you lie buried in a killing snow,

you shall yet speak to me of summer:

a sun

in my mouth

to burn away the cold.

 

Here's what I read, cooked, and created in the month of August.


What I Read

  • The Secret History, Donna Tartt (★★★★★)

  • The Marriage Portrait, Maggie O'Farrell (★★★★)

  • Pachinko, Min Jin Lee (★★★★)

  • Counting By 7s, Holly Goldberg Sloan (★★★★)

  • Vincent and Theo: The Van Gogh Brothers, Deborah Heiligman (★★★)

  • Hang the Moon, Jeanette Walls (★★★)

  • Race Marxism: The Truth about Critical Race Theory and Praxis, James Lindsay (★★★)

  • The Dictionary of Lost Words, Pip Williams (★★)

If you want to hear the rationale behind my rating, head to my Goodreads for full reviews.


What I Cooked

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: If you know how to activate yeast, you can make this bread. So delicious. I made BLTs; I made grilled cheese; I ate it warm with butter and enjoyed every bite.

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: Because I dislike on principle any recipe that requires me to purchase applesauce, I Frankensteined this frosting with this other zucchini cake, and what a glorious combination it was.

Difficulty: ★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: Needed just a little more sweetness and a little less time in the oven for me (I think I did the full hour, and I didn't need to). But it was good nevertheless, and I love any baked good that takes only one bowl to assemble.

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★

Keeper: No

Comments: This recipe is similar but way better.


What I Created

May your days be filled with beauty, and may your heart be filled with the willingness to see and give thanks for it.

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  • r.m. allen

We speak, sometimes,

of how quiet it will be

without your clacking nails on the hardwood,

without your warning yowls.

An imagined silence echoes in our present,

where you curl between us on the couch,

on which you have vomited

twice.


Too soon,

cataracts will mist your eyes,

which a stranger at the dog park once described as

“soulful.”

You will lose all interest in tossed tennis balls.

Arthritis will curb our sunlit walks until, finally,

we will take our last together.


Of course, you do not consider such morbid certainties..

You chomp your kibble open-mouthed; you shed your wiry hairs

all over my pants; you lay your tiny head on the pillow, next to mine,

rolling belly-side up and grinning, hoping for love.


When I finish this poem, I will read it to you,

and you

will plant your feet on the page

until I scratch your crooked ears and let you lick my face.

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  • r.m. allen

Now that the storm has passed, the clouds are starting to move on too. The sun is slinking away as the evening sets in, yet the sky seems to glow an eerie indigo even in the absence of a sunset. The clouds hang low and heavy like an overburdened clothesline. Their colors range from lapis to wet concrete to bruise. Though the rain has long since stopped, it feels as though at any moment the clouds could open once more. They creep like wind-chased shadows from north to south, clouds far as the eye can see.


Watching them, I feel as though I am standing at the bottom of a dark chasm that is only getting darker and some awful thing I cannot hide from is coming for me. It feels like a metaphor with too many possible interpretations, each more terrible than the next. It feels like this even though the physical storm has already passed, even though I am safe. I look up at that rush of clouds and feel as though they will trample me on their way out. A great dread settles over me.


And then, like a vision, the great roof of clouds opens before me into a solitary plot of brightest blue, the shade of a cloudless noon. It calls out to me like a portal to a fairy-tale land, like a door into paradise. Such a small and ordinary sight––blue sky––yet it seems to me at once an unreality and a revelation of something so real it is beyond reality.


It is the truth that Sam Gamgee recognized in Middle Earth at the sight of starlight in a forsaken land: "That in the end the shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach." It is the assurance that Julian of Norwich clung to: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." It is the weight of glory spoken of by the Apostle Paul, which fair outweighs the light and momentary afflictions of these storms.


The gray clouds open unto blue sky. It is a simple yet beautiful truth, and it anchors me as I gaze up into this sea of storms.

 

Here's what I read, cooked, and created in the month of July.


What I Read

  • The Dutch House, Ann Patchett (★★★★★)

  • Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President, Candice Willard (★★★★★)

  • Fairy Tale, Stephen King (★★★★)

  • Saturday Night at the Lakeside Supper Club, J. Ryan Stradal (★★★★)

  • On Desperate Ground: The Marines at the Reservoir, the Korean War's Greatest Battle, Hampton Sides (★★★★)

  • Klara and the Sun, Kazuo Ishiguro (★★★★)

  • The Unsinkable Greta James, Jennifer E. Smith (★★★★)

  • My Plain Jane, Cynthia Hand, Jodi Meadows, Brodi Ashton (★★★)

  • Tokyo Dreaming, Emiko Jean (★★★)

  • The Heir, Kiera Cass (★★★)

  • The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece, Tom Hanks (★★★)

  • The Time Keeper, Mitch Albom (★★★)

If you want to hear the rationale behind my rating, head to my Goodreads for full reviews.


What I Cooked

Difficulty:

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: My zucchini plant is poppin', so I was eager to try these and probably will make them again, with a touch more sugar. A half-recipe made only 3 pancakes for me, so a full recipe seems needed. I served with whipped ricotta and maple syrup, which I would fully recommend.

Difficulty: ★★★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Maybe

Comments: You may be looking at this rating and thinking, "4 stars for difficulty? Are burgers really that hard to make, or are you just dumb?" And ordinarily I would agree with you. But. Allow me to tell you my story.


When I perused the comments on this recipe, a few commenters noted that there were bones and skin in their canned salmon, which obviously cannot go into a burger. Noting this, I took special care when selecting my can of salmon, avoiding the one that specified on the label that it contained such by-products, and choosing the more expensive one (not the $13 dollar expensive, but you know) that even said "fancy" on the label.


To my shock and horror, however, I discovered upon opening the can that, despite its purported fanciness, there were in fact tiny, crunchy little bones the size and shape of Perler beads scattered throughout my canned salmon, which I had to pick out one-by-one to ensure that I did not find one in my burger. By the time I had done that, I had no appetite left for a salmon burger, and indeed even thinking about the experience nauseates me.


The shame of it all, of course, is that my husband actually loved these. He said he felt like he was eating a $14 burger at a restaurant and the chipotle mayo needs to become a burger staple in our household, so I really feel I will have to make these again. In that event, however, I will use either leftover salmon I have cooked myself or ground turkey. As for canned salmon, never again.

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: I doubled the pan size to a 9 by 9 for a family birthday celebration at the lake, but even so, I didn't use double the gelato (even though I purchased 2 of each). The cake looked just as stunning as pictured, and I am hoping to make a cookies and cream version for an upcoming summer celebration.

Difficulty: ★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: Even though I ended up with tiny lumps of coconut cream in mine, I still loved the flavor, and I also love that these are naturally dairy-free but still taste as creamy and dreamy as they should.


What I Created

  • Unpublished original poem "Meditation on Proverbs 13"

  • Additional progress on my project

May your days be filled with beauty, and may your heart be filled with the willingness to see and give thanks for it.

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