Monthly Review: April 2024

Our Song (A Remix)

He’s playing our song,

and I am

(smiling ear to ear), remembering

that time I married you.

I was who I had always been yet felt

(like somebody else);

I could not (recognize myself)

for joy,

although I know it now as it returns

and sings each word.

(My heart is racing) with these jangling keys

that send me back to that eternal march

toward you,

toward this now

that I could not have known.

(Funny how) I’ve never been so beautiful

before or since,

never seen clearer (staring into the mirror)

of your teary eyes.

Faced with my future there I realized:

(you are the reason why),

you are the (blasts of color),

you are the (guns out blazing),

you are (my lungs),

pouring out each note.

(All this time)

shrinks to

no time at all,

Five years inside one song.

(I never knew what love could do

Before you),

but here beside you, hand in hand,

(I am opening my eyes

for the very first time).

I did not know, but

finally,

I do.

(Parenthetical text features lyrics from "Before You" by Jon McLaughlin. One of my dear friends arranged it for solo piano to serve as our wedding processional song, and we were fortunate to hear Jon perform it live at a concert this month.)

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Here's what I read, cooked, and created in the month of April.

What I Read

• Now and Not Yet, Ruth Chou Simons (★★★★★)––launch team

• The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne (★★★★★)

• Unwind, Neal Shusterman (★★★★)––reread

• UnWholly, Neal Shusterman (★★★★)

• Early Departures, Justin E. Reynolds (★★★)

• Jesus through the Eyes of Women: How the First Female Disciples Help Us Know and Love the Lord, Rebecca McLaughlin (★★★)

• Spin, Rebecca Caprara (★★)

• A Fragile Enchantment, Allison Saft (★★)

• Project F, Jeanne DuPrau (★)

If you want to hear the rationale behind my rating, head to my Goodreads for full reviews.

What I Cooked

• Honey Butter Parker House Rolls

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: I am not convinced that rolling these up into little spirals is actually conducive to their cooking thoroughly.

• Leek Soup

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: When I tell you I have been searching for a good leek soup recipe for over a decade, I am not exaggerating. This is a good leek soup recipe.

What I Created

• A cutout poem that I haven't posted anywhere but did share with somebody in real life

May your days be filled with beauty, and may your heart be filled with the willingness to see and give thanks for it.

Monthly Review: March 2024

I look for the little moments all month long. Sometimes they strike me immediately. Sometimes I have to chisel them free of 30 days' worth of mundanities until I can really look at them. And sometimes, like now, I look back on the last month of my life, these precious days that I will never relive, and I wonder, what exactly was I doing for all this time? What do I have to show for it?

There are flashes of wonder, moments of beauty. While I was driving, I saw a bald eagle carrying off a rabbit. I read a book that made me cry. My daffodils were blooming on St. Patrick's Day. But there is nothing to say about them. They happen, and then they are over.

I don't just want to find the beauty; I want it to track me down and whisk me off to some transcendent realm where I can live, if not forever, then at least long enough to gain some transcendent wisdom that will prepare me for the real world, which is often boring and sometimes ugly. Some months I get that. I often think about the angels in the park and the clouds on the dock, and they are a comfort to me even still. I decided a long while ago that it is good for me to sit and write about these moments of beauty even when few people read them, and it is worthwhile to look for them even when I do not find them. Some months are a spinning blur of busyness, and even if there is no one experience I can fix my eyes on, I see flashes of what I am looking for, and I am keeping my eyes open.

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Here's what I read, cooked, and created in the month of March.

What I Read

• Hamnet, Maggie O'Farrell (★★★★★)

• How to Read Literature Like a Professor, Thomas C. Foster (★★★★★)

• Parable of the Talents, Octavia Butler (★★★)

• The Secret Book of Flora Lea, Patti Callahan Henry (★★★)

If you want to hear the rationale behind my rating, head to my Goodreads for full reviews.

What I Cooked

• Philly Cheesesteak Burgers

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: I did these smashburger style, and my goodness, they were delicious.

• Jalapeno Popper Pinwheels

Difficulty: ★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: I added some scallions and grated garlic, both of which were good choices. I made this as a lunch for myself rather than an appetizer, but I'm sure it would be a popular one if served at a party.

• Sticky Sticky Buns

Difficulty: ★★★★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Mostly?

Comments: These make my favorite cinnamon rolls feel easy and low-maintenance. Even though I followed directions, I never really felt great about the rise I got on my brioche dough, and the fact that this makes more dough than is needed for the rolls just irritates me. I can see myself retrying this with my tried-and-true cinnamon roll dough and extra pecans for the top to see if the payoff is as good with less work.

• Leek, Ham, and Cheese Egg Bake

Difficulty: ★★

Flavor: ★★★★

Keeper: Yes

Comments: This was just a good, classic egg bake. It wasn't astonishingly amazing, but it was good.

What I Created

• Original sonnet "He Rested"

• A little continued progress on my project

May your days be filled with beauty, and may your heart be filled with the willingness to see and give thanks for it.

He Rested [Original Sonnet for Holy Saturday]

Our day of rest has come—we have not slept.

We rise in darkness, taunted by the dawn.

No sun can light these wasted eyes. We wept

to flood our beds with tears: our Lord is gone.

He promised we would know the way, yet He

has gone beyond the scope of foll’wing feet.

His ears are closed to crying. Hands that we

stretch out for rescue find Him out of reach.

(Or so we, darkling, think.) But look—He rests

this Sabbath, for His work is finished here.

The faithful servant wins the keys of death,

sets free the captives, brings the far-off near.

Awaken to the light of life; be blessed

with Him to rise and enter into rest.