But do I take this man? I do, and yet
I cannot truly say I take, for he
was brought before me, and in him I met
Thy grace unearned, a kindness granted me.
Then do I say that I accept this man?
"Accept," to me, seems I thought I could get
no better, so I settled for the hand
he offered. But I know he is Thy best.
So neither do I now accept nor take–
Instead, Lord, I receive this gift, for he
is Thine for me. Thy will is that he shape
my crooked heart, and love it unto Thee.
He is my love, my joy, Thy child and gift
to have, to hold as long as we shall live.
Over the last several weeks, my Sunday school class has been walking through a study called The Art of Marriage. In the first session, one of the speakers commented that our spouses are God's gifts to us, uniquely suited to shape us into the people we ought to be. This sonnet was born out of a conversation Mitchell and I had as we went through the series.
When I got married on July 12, 2018, I got the greatest earthly gift God could ever have given me. As we grow together in our marriage, I am coming to see with increasing clarity God's gracious providence to me through my husband.
Marriage itself is a gift, of course. We do not earn marriage by doing the right thing, contrary to what The Sound of Music may tell you. If we do marry, it is because of God's grace in our lives (and if we do not marry, that is grace as well). For those of us who are married, we see that grace and our profound need for it as one imperfect soul unites to another. That covenantal state of union known as marriage is a gift in and of itself, but perhaps the greater gift is in coming to know that other soul.
Mitchell and I met and began dating at 18, were engaged at 20, and were married the month before we turned 22. Those nearly four years together prior to getting married gave us enough of an idea of each other's personality and character to know that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. And as we walk through life side by side, I am seeing in ways I never could have prior to marriage what a good gift I have in my husband.
To someone who fears failing, God gave someone resilient. To someone who tends toward melancholy, God gave someone cheerful. To someone who keeps to herself, God gave someone outgoing. All of these qualities (and so many more) in Mitchell help push me to become a more balanced, Christlike person. And I do the same for him. Where he is spontaneous, I am structured; where he is logical, I am emotional; where he is constantly challenging the status quo, I am consistent. We are so different, he and I, yet there is something so good in these differences.
He is God's gift to me, just as I am God's gift to him. In our marriage, we both must receive one another as such––not as a trophy to earn or as a consolation prize to accept, but as an undeserved symbol of God's grace to each of us. My hope is that the two of us spend the rest of our lives giving of ourselves to one another and joyfully receiving in turn all the blessings of this beautiful gift of marriage.