A Gift Received [Original Poetry and Meditation on the Goodness of Marriage]

But do I take this man? I do, and yet

I cannot truly say I take, for he

was brought before me, and in him I met

Thy grace unearned, a kindness granted me.

Then do I say that I accept this man?

"Accept," to me, seems I thought I could get

no better, so I settled for the hand

he offered. But I know he is Thy best.

So neither do I now accept nor take–

Instead, Lord, I receive this gift, for he

is Thine for me. Thy will is that he shape

my crooked heart, and love it unto Thee.

He is my love, my joy, Thy child and gift

to have, to hold as long as we shall live.

Over the last several weeks, my Sunday school class has been walking through a study called The Art of Marriage. In the first session, one of the speakers commented that our spouses are God's gifts to us, uniquely suited to shape us into the people we ought to be. This sonnet was born out of a conversation Mitchell and I had as we went through the series.

When I got married on July 12, 2018, I got the greatest earthly gift God could ever have given me. As we grow together in our marriage, I am coming to see with increasing clarity God's gracious providence to me through my husband.

Marriage itself is a gift, of course. We do not earn marriage by doing the right thing, contrary to what The Sound of Music may tell you. If we do marry, it is because of God's grace in our lives (and if we do not marry, that is grace as well). For those of us who are married, we see that grace and our profound need for it as one imperfect soul unites to another. That covenantal state of union known as marriage is a gift in and of itself, but perhaps the greater gift is in coming to know that other soul.

Mitchell and I met and began dating at 18, were engaged at 20, and were married the month before we turned 22. Those nearly four years together prior to getting married gave us enough of an idea of each other's personality and character to know that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. And as we walk through life side by side, I am seeing in ways I never could have prior to marriage what a good gift I have in my husband.

To someone who fears failing, God gave someone resilient. To someone who tends toward melancholy, God gave someone cheerful. To someone who keeps to herself, God gave someone outgoing. All of these qualities (and so many more) in Mitchell help push me to become a more balanced, Christlike person. And I do the same for him. Where he is spontaneous, I am structured; where he is logical, I am emotional; where he is constantly challenging the status quo, I am consistent. We are so different, he and I, yet there is something so good in these differences.

He is God's gift to me, just as I am God's gift to him. In our marriage, we both must receive one another as such––not as a trophy to earn or as a consolation prize to accept, but as an undeserved symbol of God's grace to each of us. My hope is that the two of us spend the rest of our lives giving of ourselves to one another and joyfully receiving in turn all the blessings of this beautiful gift of marriage.

Monthly Review: January

January did not feel like a year for me; it was more of a blink. Between starting another semester of grad school and trying to keep track of two people's constantly changing and completely different schedules, I stayed busy all month long – too busy to devote much time to non-academic writing at all.

But as much as I love being in grad school (read my recap of first semester here), I do miss writing for fun. Even in months such as this one, where time or creative constraints prohibit more involved posts, I don't want to ghost my own blog (or the lovely people who read it!).

When I asked for content ideas as I was starting this blog, a number of people mentioned they would like to hear about what I'm reading, what I'm cooking, and what I'm thinking about in general. To help myself produce at least some consistent content in the midst of my unpredictable life, I intend to write a brief review of each month to share the books, recipes, and projects I've been working on.

What I Read

• Suggested Reading, David Connis (★★)

• The How and the Why, Cynthia Hand (★★★★)

• On Reading Well, Karen Swallow Prior (★★★★★)

• The Cactus, Sarah Haywood (★)

• How I Know God Answers Prayer, Rosalind Goforth (★★★★)

If you want to hear the rationale behind my rating, head to my Goodreads for full reviews.

What I Cooked

• Slow Cooker Creamy Garlic Chicken and Veggies

With our work schedules being what they are at the moment, Mitchell and I are regularly getting home after 7 at least one or two nights a week. On those nights, I like to have dinner waiting in my crockpot when I get home. This meal isn't quite as throw-and-go as I prefer, but it would be delicious for a Sunday dinner or an evening when you're expecting company and you want to impress without trying too hard.

• Turkey and Swiss Sloppy Joes

I hate traditional sloppy joes, but when I ran into this recipe on Instagram, it intrigued me. Served alongside homemade fries with spicy mayo, these sandwiches are delicious. Would do again.

• Slow Cooker Sausage, Spinach, and White Bean Soup

This recipe has been chilling on my Pinterest board of things I want to make for an embarrassingly long time, so I finally decided to give it a try. Although this soup wasn't as flavorful as I would have preferred (if I were to make it again, I would definitely up the garlic and add crushed red pepper flakes), it was easy and budget friendly.

• Yellow Sheet Cake with Fudge Frosting

My brother-in-law requested a yellow cake with chocolate frosting for his birthday, and while I'm sure he would have been just as happy with a box mix and a can of frosting, I prefer to bake from scratch. My cake decorating skills, despite the best efforts of my junior high home ec teacher, are pretty much non-existent, so I was thrilled to find a recipe that would not require multiple layers (which would have used cake pans I don't have) or fancy frosting techniques. And seeing as he ate 3 pieces the night it was served, I think it's safe to say that this cake is a keeper.

What I Created

• Original poem "Not My Year"

• Blackout poem "Admonishments"

• A 5,000 word essay focusing on my faith journey (written for one of my grad classes)

As I get into February, my courseload will only intensify, but I'm hoping to continue enjoying my favorite activities in the midst of the chaos. Life will always be busy, but I don't think a full schedule should prohibit me from doing the things I love. Whatever those things are for you, I hope you find time to savor them in the short weeks of February.

Not My Year [Original Poetry]

This

is not my year.

Time isn't mine; this life

is but a breath

exhaled from the lungs of God,

who gifts today.

Pray as I might, I cannot make tomorrow dawn;

it is a grace.

God only knows the days ahead.

He counts my steps,

directs

the pace to take me to Himself.

He: the beginning, the glorious end,

the way all along.

His is the time – His (no, not mine)

minutes, hours, days.

He has lent them to me.

May I not merely spend but invest what He gives.

This is not my life;

it is His.